A Lost Settler

A Lost Settler The first American settlers came from England seeking freedom of religion. I came to the U.S. seeking a little freedom of self-consciousness. As a matter of the fact, many people in my country tend to be self-conscious. Living in America, I sometimes feel like someone will deprive me of the freedom. Ironically, in the U.S., the country of freedom, I have become really self-conscious about religion. I am a Buddhist. I was sometimes told that I must go to church, even though I told the ones who told me to go to church that I was Buddhist and I was wearing a Buddhist symbol necklace. When I tell them about my religion, I feel like I am “coming out” as a minority. I think many Americans are not familiar with Buddhism. Now that I live in the U.S., the fact that I am Buddhist sometimes makes me embarrassed and uncomfortable.

First of all, strangely I feel a certain pressure about my religion. I think that most Korean immigrants in the U.S. go to church for some other reasons, not only for their religious faith. One of the reasons is that they needed some communities on their own to survive in a new country and they united together in churches to survive. Besides, they want to have more believers who go to their churches. For that reason, they try to proselytize strongly. For instance, there is a big Korean market fifteen miles away from where I live in Chicago. I feel the pressure on Sundays when I go to the market for Korean food, on Sundays there are a few churchgoers there who are obsessed with finding people to go to the church that they go to. The churchgoers' consistent efforts make me uncomfortable. Moreover, I feel that there is a lack of understanding about Buddhism. First of all, it is misunderstanding of the shape of the Buddhism, Like many Christians, I proudly wear a Buddhism necklace. Some people mistake the symbol as a Nazi. One day at a cafe, the cashier asked "Do you know about what you are wearing?” He could not stop thinking about Nazis even after my answer "This is not the one you are thinking of. This is a Buddhist symbol. It is totally different." Although there were not any reasons why I had to convince him that I am not a Nazi, I was trying to explain why I wear this necklace. That was a mortifying experience for me, and once again it made me feel out of place.

In addition, I have something that I am really anxious to do in the U.S.. In Korea, there are some people who believe in Shamanism or “Musok”, which is the traditional religion for Koreans. Especially, Buddhist is familiar with “Musok”, whereas Christians consider “Musok” kind of myth because they think “Musok” is to believe ghost. In short, “Musok” is to go to a fortune teller to have one’s told. I also my family visit a fortune teller from time to time for many reasons: to see what is going on in my business, to see if my boyfriend is good for me or not, to see which job to choose, or to just have fun. It is natural that I go to see a fortune teller for these reasons, but I am a little sad because it is hard to find a good fortune teller.

Isn’t it ironic that I feel uncomfortable to announce that I am a Buddhist in the country of freedom, just as a homosexual is coming out? Living in a place that has a different culture, I can feel lonely and sometimes I can feel like I am in a different culture or I can feel like I have a different citizenship. As for me, religion is my challenge in American culture, because it is not possible for me to convert my religion, unlike I have adapted to American food or American lifestyle.