In
Memory
These are so many ways to cherish the memory of a
deceased person. On the day they passed, on their birthday, or maybe a specific
day for the community. While I was a little boy, I lived with my grandfather
and my grandmother, who was a traditional Chinese woman. She taught me what I
should do and should not do about worshiping. The most important thing she
taught me was the taboo of the deceased person. In China, a day between the 4th
to the 6th of April call Qing Ming Festival, a day to let people to
clean up the forefather’s tombs. However, since I came to the U.S., I never
hear of anything about Qing Ming Festival and how it can let people remember a
deceased person.
When I heard about Qing
Ming Festival as a kid, the first thing to come to my mind was to climb
mountain and pass around money. In the U.S. people’s tombs are in the
graveyard. However in the past in China, people’s tombs were in the mountain far
away from people’s homes. People who wanted to go visit a tomb had to climb the
mountain to find the grave. Then they poured out the thing call Guo Lu Qian which
means passing money. The money is for the ghost and goblins. This is the money
that lets the ghost and goblins give a road to our forefather’s tomb and let
them get away from the offerings. However, in the U.S. people who go to visit a
tomb didn’t do anything like this, they just go to the tomb and visit or place
flowers on the stones.
In addition, the
oblation between Chinese and the U.S. are different. Different part of the Chinese
culture has different customs. In my hometown, Taishan, the most important
oblation was the siu yuk, a whole sacrificed pig. In addition to the pig, there
were some other offerings, like white sugar sponge cake and alcohol that set in
front of the tomb. People also bowed. After that was the part I like the most
of the Qing Ming Festival. It is when people eat the obeisance in front of the
tomb, this means we eat the food that the forefathers left behind to show them
respect. However, in the U.S. I didn’t see any oblation.
In the U.S. it’s common
to bring flowers to visit a grave, because they think after people died they
will go to the heaven and that everything will be good and peaceful. However in
China, people think the soul will go to the underworld and have punishment according
to what sins they did while they were alive. Most Chinese go to the grave with many
more things, like incense and joss paper. People in China think this is the
money for the dead to use in the underworld. One thing that I will never forget
is my grandmother taught me while I hold the incense or the joss paper to
worship, I have to have gratitude. At that time I didn’t know why, but now I
know. It’s because we worship our ancestors and the incense and joss paper were
the honoraria to them for what they did for this family. We are here because of
them. The other thing I learned after I left my grandparents was people should
never pick up the joss paper on the floor because that was the paper for someone who died, and the living
should never pick it up.
In the past two years, both
my grandparents passed away, and it make me think about everything they taught
me. At the end of their life, I couldn’t be with them but I will never forget what
they taught me. I hope one day I can go back to China and go to visit my
grandparents’ graves. I will buy a whole pig and joss paper, and I will
remember to bring the passing money for the ghost and the goblins to make sure
the obeisance were only for them, so no one can touch them.
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